Astrological

Home Astrological Light Bulb Jokes Witch Various

 

ZODIAC ROAD CROSSING JOKES

Why did the ARIES cross the road?
To stop traffic.

Why did the TAURUS cross the road?
"What?  Me move?"

Why did the GEMINI cross the road?
To be with it's twin of course!

Why did the CANCER cross the road?
To go home.

Why did the LEO cross the road?
To revel in the adulation of his adoring fans!

Why did the VIRGO cross the road?
To clean up after Leo and company.

Why did the LIBRA cross the road?
So that it could go right back across it again and again and again...

Why did the SCORPIO cross the road?
To meet other cross dressers at the big and kinky sex convention on the other side!

Why did the SAGITTARIUS cross the road?
To embark on a new adventure.

Why did the CAPRICORN cross the road?
To get to the other side.

Why did the AQUARIUS cross the road?
Because it was illegal.

Why did the PISCES cross the road?
To get to the New Age bookstore!

 

Astrological Brake Jokes

 

ARIES:  I don't brake for anyone, so get out of my way NOW!

TAURUS:  I'm too stubborn to brake.

GEMINI:  I brake to change the radio station while talking on my cell phone, shaving, combing my hair and reading the paper.

CANCER:  I brake for open houses, gardens and home decorating stores.

LEO:   Yo!  Give ME a brake!

VIRGO:  I brake to check if my brakes are working.

LIBRA:  I don't know if I should brake or not.  Well maybe I should.  No, maybe I shouldn't.  Well,  CRASH!  Opps!

SCORPIO:  I brake for flashers!

SAGITTARIUS:  Why just the other day, I was driving down the road, minding my own business, when I had to brake for NOAH'S ARK!   Or at least it seemed like Noah's ark.  I know I saw a herd of deer, or at least one deer...

CAPRICORN:  I'll brake for anything.  I'm responsible.

AQUARIUS:  I brake rules.

PISCES:  I brake for New Age bookstores.

 

ZODIAC COMPUTER VIRUSES

 

The ARIES virus reconfigures other computers retrieving preferred, #1 treatment.

The TAURUS virus backs up all your information on your hard drive without allowing you to delete anything.

The GEMINI virus starts a new search every two minutes for great gossip, while it visits chat rooms, plays internet games, interfaces with your fax and cell phone, runs the printer.....

The CANCER virus constantly alerts you with recipes, home decorating ideas, gardening tips, and messages from your mother.

The LEO virus downloads the MGM lion on your screensaver that roars every time you boot your machine.

The VIRGO virus eliminates files and programs that you haven't used in a month and it creates and updates information that can be retrieved alphabetically, by the file name, subject, size, author's name, date, or key words.

The LIBRA virus asks several time if you're sure that you want to turn your computer on, turn your computer off, delete information or save information, continue on or stay where you are....

The SCORPIO virus automatically installs all the latest smut from the internet.

The SAGITTARIUS virus surfs the internet updating and installing information about travel adventures and foreign cultures.

The CAPRICORN virus will continually update you with news, weather and traffic information.

The AQUARIUS virus will randomly re-alphabetize your address list.

The PISCES virus gives you constant horoscope and metaphysical updates.

 

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Last modified: Sunday September 03, 2000.